The Cat in the Hat

The Cat in the Hat
by Dr. Seuss

The sun did not shine, it was too wet to play so we sat in the house all that cold, cold day.

I sat there with Sally. We sat there we two and I said, “How I wish we had something to do.”

Too wet to go out and too cold to play ball so we sat in the house. We did nothing at all.

So all we could do was to sit, sit, sit and we did not like it, not one little bit.

And then…something went “bump.” How that bump made us jump. (bump – golpe)

Then we looked then we saw him step in on the mat. We looked and we saw him, the cat in the hat and he said to us, “Why do you sit there like that? I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny but we can have lots of good fun that is funny. I know some good games we could play,” said the cat. “I know some new tricks,” said the cat in the hat. New tricks I will show them to you, your mother will not mind at all if I do.

Then Sally and I did not know what to say. Our mother was out of the house for the day but our fish said, “No, no, make that cat go away. Tell that cat in the hat you do not want to play. He should not be here, he should not be about, he should not be here when you mother is out.”

“Now, now, have no fear,” said the cat. “My tricks are not bad,” said the cat in the hat. “Why we can have lots of good fun with a game I call ‘Up, Up Up’ with a fish.”

“Put me down!” said the fish. “This is no fun at all.” “Put me down!” said the fish. “I do not wish to fall.”

“Have no fear,” said the cat. “I will not let you fall. I will hold you up high as I stand on a ball with a book on one hand and a cup on my hat but that is not all I can do,” said the cat.

“Look at me, look at me now,” said the cat, “with a cup and a cake on the top of my hat I can hold up two books, I can hold up the fish and a little toy ship and some milk on a dish. And look, I can hop up and down on the ball, but that is not all. Oh no, that is not all.

“Look at me, look at me, look at me now! It is fun to have fun but you have to know how. I can hold up the cup and the milk and the can. I can hold up these books and the fish on a rake. I can hold the toy ship and a little toy man, and look! With my tail I can hold a red fan. I can fan with the fan as I hop on the ball but that is not all. Oh no, that is not all.”

That is what the cat said then he fell on his head. He came down with a bump as he came down from the ball and Sally and I we saw all the things fall. And our fish came down, too. He fell into a pot. He said, “Do I like this? Oh no, I do not. This is not a good game,” said our fish as he lit. No, I do not like it, not one little bit.”

Now look what you did,” said the fish to the cat, “Now look at this house, look at this look at that. You sank our toy ship, sank it deep in the cake, you shook up our house and you bent our new rake. You should not be here when our mother is not. You get out of this house,” said the fish in the pot.

“But I like it here, oh I like it a lot,” said the cat in the hat to the fish in the pot. “I will not go away, I do not wish to go and so,” said the cat in the hat. “So I will show you another good game that I know. And then he ran out, and then as fast as a fox, the cat in the hat came back in with a box. A big red wood box it was shut with a hook. “Now look at this trick,” said the cat, “Take a look.” Then he got up on top with a tip of his hat. “I call this game ‘Fun in a box,’” said the cat. “In this box there are two things I will show to you now. You will like these two things,” said the cat with a bow. “I will pick up the hook, you will see something new. Two things and I call them ‘Thing One’ and ‘Thing Two.’ They will not bite you, they want to have fun.”

Then out of the box came Thing Two and Thing One, they ran to us fast. They said, “How do you do?”

“Would you like to shake hands with Thing One and Thing Two?”

And Sally and I did not know what to do so we had to shake hands with Thing One and Thing Two. We shook their two hands.

But our fish said, “No! No! Those things should not be in this house. Make them go. They should not be here when your mother is not. Put them out! Put them out!” said the fish in the pot.

“Have no fear, little fish,” said the cat in the hat. “These things are good things,” and he gave them a pat. “They are tame, oh so tame. They have come here to play. They will give you some fun on this wet, wet, wet day.

“Now here is a game they like,” said the cat. “They like to fly kites,” said the cat in the hat.

“No, not in the house!” said the fish in the pot. “They should not fly kites in a house; they should not. Oh the things they will bump! Oh the things they will hit! Oh, I do not like it, not one little bit.

Then Sally and I saw them run down the hall. We saw those two things bump their kites on the wall. Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump! Down the wall in the hall. Thing One and Thing Two they ran up, they ran down.

On the string of one kite we saw mother’s new gown, her gown with the dots that are pink, white, and red. Then we saw one kite bump on the head of her bed. Then those things ran about with big bumps, jumps, and kicks and with hops and big thumps and all kinds of bad tricks. And I said, “I do not like the way that they play. If mother could see this, oh what would she say?” Then our fish said, “Look! Look!” and our fish shook with fear. “Your mother is on her way home. Do you hear? Oh what will she do to us? What will she say? Oh, she will not like it to find us this way.”

Do something fast,” said the fish. “Do you hear? I saw her, your mother, your mother is near.

So as fast as you can, think of something to do. You will have to get rid of Thing One and Thing Two.”

So as fast as I could I went after my net and I said, “With my net I can get them I bet. I bet with my net I can get those things yet.” Then I let down my net. It came down with a plop. And I had them at last. Those two things had to stop. Then I said to the cat, “Now you do as I say. You pack up those things and you take them away.”

“Oh dear,” said the cat, “You did not like our game. Oh dear, what a shame, what a shame, what a shame.” He shut up the things in the box with the hook, and the cat went away with a sad kind of look.

“This is good,” said the fish, “He has gone away. Yes, but your mother will come. She will find this big mess. And this mess is so big and so deep and so tall. We cannot pick it up. There is no way at all.”

And then who was back in the house? Why the cat.

“Have no fear of this mess,” said the cat in the hat. “I always pick up my playthings. And so I will show you another good trick that I know.”

Then we saw him pick up all the things that were down. He picked up the cake, and the rake, and the dish, and the gown, and the milk, and the strings, and the books, and the dish, and the fan, and the cup, and the ship, and the fish, and he put them away. Then he said, “That is that.” And then he was gone with a tip of his hat.

Then our mother came in and she said to us two, “Did you have any fun? Tell me, what did you do?”

And Sally and I did not know what to say. Should we tell her the things that went on there that day? Should we tell her about it? Now what should we do? Well…what would you do if your mother asked you?

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English Pronunciation is Impossible

The Chaos

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough —
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!

WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD TO LEARN

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

This was a good time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in my clothes, I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I read it once and will read it again.

I learned much from this learned treatise.

I was content to note the content of the message.

The Blessed Virgin blessed her. Blessed her richly.

It's a bit wicked to over-trim a short wicked candle.

If he will absent himself, we mark him absent.

I incline toward bypassing the incline.