Sunday, December 21, 2014

Your Last Meal® (a business plan)

“Muchos años después, frente al pelotón de fusilamiento, el coronel Aureliano Buendía había de recordar aquella tarde en que su padre lo llevo a conocer el hielo.”

What would be your last meal if you were going to face the firing squad or climb the gallows? What did Colonel Aureliano Buendía order? If there is an execution in your near future you should start planning your menu unless you want your last meal brought to you in a bag with Burger King written on the side. If you can’t decide perhaps you should call us, the people at Last Meals.® Last Meals® is a company that specializes in…yes, last meals.  

And don’t forget, our company policy for last meals is “Delivered in 30 minutes or the next meal is free!”

Here are just a few of your menu options:

The “Valenciano Until the Bitter End” Meal

This is for all of you that have Valencia burned into your DNA and includes paella (with or without snails), beer or wine, and an orange for dessert. For atmosphere you can choose between a CD of pasodobles or a radio re-broadcast of Valencia Club de Fútbol and Bayern Munich playing in the final of the 2001 Champions League (the last five minutes have been edited so that Valencia wins this time). We guarantee that you will die happy.

The “Don’t Be Afraid of Hangovers or Heart Attacks” Meal
(also known as (AKA) The American Diet)

This selection includes fried chicken, patatas bravas (extra mayonnaise, please) with a bottle of Jack Daniels for dessert. For entertainment you can watch The Great Escape with Steve McQueen (spoiler alert! He doesn’t escape).

The “Are There Fat People in Heaven?” Meal

This is for people who want to go to their next life as thin as they can be. This meal includes raw carrots and broccoli, a salad of lettuce and spinach, and water to drink. You can also choose to skip (miss) this meal and go 30 minutes early to your execution.


Meal - comida
To Fire – disparrar  Squad – peletón  Firing Squad - peletón de fusiliamiento
Gallows – horca, patíbulo
Gallows Humor - humor negro
To Deliver – entregar, repartir,
Alert – aviso, alarma
To Spoilarruinar, estropear

Spoiler Alert - Es una frase que usas para advertir a las personas que te están oyendo que vas a revelar detalles de cómo termina, por ejemplo, una película o un libro. Por ejemplo, podría decirte "I went to see that new thriller. Spoiler alert! The murderer is the detective." Supuestamente te da la oportunidad de taparte los oídos para no escuchar el desenlace de la película.