Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Restaurants and Food

It was a friend’s birthday last Friday night and we went to a crowded, trendy (de moda) restaurant in my neighborhood of Ruzafa.  We were a group of nine people and we sat at two tables in the restaurant.  The waitress came to our table and asked us if we wanted anything to drink.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked.
“May I have a glass of wine, please?” I asked politely.

“Would you like a bottle of wine instead?” the waitress asked me.
“That is a great idea.  Instead of ordering only a glass of wine I can order a bottle of wine.” I told her. "Do you have anything bigger than a bottle of wine? Can I order a barrel of wine?"

She asked again if I would like a bottle of wine.

“Yes, would you bring us a bottle of your best wine?” I didn’t really say this, but I have always wanted to say, “Bring a bottle of your best wine!” Some people probably always say “Bring me a bottle of your best wine.” I hate people like that. I think that it would be funny to go to a very expensive restaurant and drink a box of Don Simon cooking wine.

The wine was very good but it wasn’t the best wine the restaurant sells. At least it came in a bottle and not in a box with a plastic cap (tapa). I say that the wine was good but I don’t know very much about wine except that it has alcohol in it which is very important.

I took my napkin and put it on my lap. I had a knife, fork, and spoon in front of me on the table. I had a glass of water and a glass of wine.  The tablecloth was white so I was very careful with my wine. I didn’t want to spill (derramar, verter) any wine on the white tablecloth.

Next the waitress asked if we would like to look at the menu (méñu). She gave everyone at the table a menu.  I wasn’t very hungry. I wanted to try a few small things on the menu, or tapas as they are called in Spain. I think that tapas may be the second greatest contribution to human civilization in the history of our planet. Number one on the list of greatest contributions to human civilization is wine, wine and all other kinds of booze (bebida alcohólica). Without booze we are no better than animals.

I looked at the menu and tried to decide what I should order.  After a few minutes the waitress came back to our table.

 “Are you ready to order?” she asked. My friends ordered their meals. Now it was my turn to order. 

“I would like the Poor Man’s Potatoes (patatas a lo pobre), please,” I said to the young woman. I ordered a couple of other small items1 on the menu.  

The food arrived. My plate of Poor Man’s Potatoes was very small.  It looked like one sliced2 potato. There was a fried egg on top of the sliced potato.  I said to my friends at the table that I thought it was a little ironic that such a small plate of Poor Man’s Potatoes cost 8€. I could make enough Poor Man’s Potatoes at home for 25 people for 8€. I said to my friends that I thought that this small dish of Poor Man’s Potatoes was an insult to the second greatest contribution to human civilization. My friends told me to shut up (callarse) and eat.

I shared the potatoes with my friends. We had some hummus that we ate with slices of bread. We had some fried squid. I love fried food. I could eat an old shoe if you fried it in oil and put salt on it. If I had a restaurant I would put that on the menu: Old Shoe Fried in Oil with Salt 7€. I think that it would be a popular menu item.

After we finished eating the waitress took away all of the plates, knives, forks, spoons, and empty glasses on the table. She tried to take away my wine glass because it was almost empty.  I told her that getting between me and my unfinished glass of wine is more dangerous than being between a mother bear and her cubs (cachorros). She didn’t think that my joke was very funny.  Then she asked us if we wanted dessert.

“Is wine dessert?” I asked. The waitress told me that wine wasn't dessert.

"What do you have for dessert?" we asked.
"We have chocolate cake and apple pie," she replied. We ordered one of each to share.
"The check, please," I said.
She brought the check. We paid the bill and left.  
1  Item ['aɪtəm] nombre
1   artículo, pieza
2   (para definir incontables) item of clothing, prenda de vestir
     item of furniture, mueble
     news item, noticia
3   (en el orden del día) punto, asunto

2  slice 1 /slaɪs/ sustantivo
  1. countable (piece — of bread) rebanada f;
    (— of cake) trozo m, pedazo m;
    (— of cheese) rebanada f;
    (— of lemon, cucumber) rodaja f;
    (— of meat) tajada f;
    (— of ham) loncha f, lonja f, feta f (RPl);
    (— of melon) raja f
  2. To cut into slices